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Baby Weight

26 Sep

It’s time to get healthy and lose the baby weight. My husband also put on sympathy weight while I was pregnant. We started our lifestyle change today. We want to be healthy and happy and set a good example for our son.

Stepping on the scale and admitting to each other that we’re both the most overweight we’ve ever been in our lives kinda sucked. Okay, it really sucked. I keep telling myself that this morning was the last time I’ll ever see that terrible number. 

I’ve been really depressed about my “mom pooch” and body in general for months. None of my old clothes fit. I have obliques of flab. I’ve been wearing maternity clothes or LuLaRoe for months.   And then at night when I was feeling emo about it all, I’d eat my feelings. So yeah, it’s time for a change around here!

We can do it!

It’s Been Awhile. Why Not Blog About It?

24 Jun

Considering nearly two years have passed since I last posted, perhaps I should catch people up.

Yes, I’m stil trying to be better. Weight isn’t sliding off of me, but I’ve found a few answers as to why that might be happening along the way.

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for about two and a half years. It hasn’t been going so great. I had an hysterosalpingogram (HSG) to see my fallopian tubes were open last winter. One was blocked, but my doctor got it to open up during the procedure (yes, that hurt). Essentially, I had to lay on a hospital bed, lower half exposed and move around whenever he told me to while he shot dye through a catheter he jammed up in me. The pain was short-lived, but intense, and I do not consider it an enjoyable procedure … not that many procedures in your nether regions are enjoyable.

I also had laparoscopic surgery for possible endometriosis in April. What’s that? I was put under, and my doctor and the good ol’ daVinci robot went on an expedition to find possible endometrial adhesions or other potential things going on in my insides. My doctor found some adhesions and removed them, but the labs came back saying they are not endo. So I guess I don’t have that after all. I do have some pesky polycystic ovaries, though. My doctor found over 20 and performed “ovarian drilling” to zap them away. I was officially diagnosed with PCOS, which may explain some of my issues losing weight despite walking 4-5 miles a day and eating healthy. Oh, and since I had the procedure, minus the several week recovery, I’ve had zero lower back pain. An odd, yet wholeheartedly embraced, feeling since I’ve had back pain for years. Oh, and if you’re ever bored, research some of the symptoms of PCOS – it’s a laundry list of everything a lady doesn’t want in her life: infertility, excess hairiness in places you do not want hairiness, gathering/gaining weight in your mid-section, irregular periods, acne, skin tags, dandruff, thinning hair, sleep apnea, depression, etc.

In researching PCOS, I found that lots of ladies have had some success in managing their symptoms by cutting out dairy and carbs, so I decided to try that out myself. The hardest part has been giving up cheese and ice cream. I freakin’ love cheese, man. Saying goodbye to that is the hardest. I still struggle if we go out to eat because everything has cheese! A few weeks off of both, and our anniversary hit. My husband took me to a nice Italian restaurant and I had way too many carbs and way too much cheese that night. My system couldn’t handle it and I was very unpleasantly sick for two days — to the point of never really wanting to eat either thing again. I mentioned to my doctor how much better I’ve felt since I quit them and that I think I may have a food allergy with one or both of those things. He ordered me a “GI Distress Test.” Sounds awesome, right? I have to go take that at some point. I’ve also been working with a nutritionist who has me on an all organic diet with the goal of keeping my insulin levels very steady and calm with no spikes so my body is ready for pregnancy. If you’re looking for me, you’ll find me gnawing on some meaty proteins, sipping spearmint tea (Tea Gschwendner makes a lovely Moroccan Mint), or buying out the organic produce aisle at the grocery store.

In the meantime, after over a year of trying various drug combinations to try to get my system to regulate and ovulate without success, my OB referred my husband and I to a fertility clinic. This was right after we were all so very excited by a blinking ovulation predictor kit (OPK) result the day I had a follicle check scheduled at his office. We had never seen one before, so we were quick to think the surgery and drugs worked and this was our time! It was short-lived excitement because the test continued to blink for 16 days. That ain’t right and that is what prompted him to send me to the fertility clinic.

I wasn’t feeling particularly ready for that step, but we went to the fertility clinic appointment anyway and listened to the doctor. Surprisingly, he made me feel more at ease … like we can do this … like we have a plan. So, I agreed to up my dosage of the ovarian stimulation drug letrozole (femara), start taking follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH ) injections (gonal-f), take an human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) trigger shot (ovidrel), and try intrauterine insemination (IUI) for the first time later this month.

All of the mumbo jumbo and acronyms above basically mean the following:

  1. I took more of the cancer drug femara at the beginning of my cycle. It makes your body think you’re going into menopause so that when you go off it, your body is like, “HEY, HEY GIVE ME SOME EFFING ESTROGEN NOW, BITCHES!” It has fun side effects like hot flashes and headaches. Fun fact: Octomom was on this drug (scary!).
  2. I’m currently shooting myself in the stomach every night between the hours of 6-8 p.m. with a gonal-f injection pen. It turns me into a follicle making inferno complete with night sweats and killer all-day-long headaches. Oh, and it also conks me out in 1-2 hours (hello, old lady bedtime!).
  3. When I go in for my follicle check with my doctor, he’ll decide when he wants to give me the trigger shot of ovidrel. Once he administers it, we have 24 hours to get a specimen (read: splooge in a cup) to their office.
  4. After I drop off the specimen, they “clean” it, I come back later that day, the doctor inserts a catheter (yay, my favorite) in me and shoots me full of the specimen. I lay there for ten minutes and then I leave and go about my day.
  5. We wait. I pee on some more sticks to see if this worked.
  6. Hopefully all of the above results in a pregnancy. If not, rinse & repeat. If it doesn’t work after a few attempts, then we move further down the Monopoly board of Infertility. We do not pass go, and we do not collect $200. Instead, we start looking into in vitro fertilization (IVF) or other methods. Or maybe adoption.

I am cautiously optimistic. If I’ve learned anything the last few years of trying, infertility is a roller coaster of hope and despair … and you never really know which day it’s going to be on any given day. For now, the things that are keeping me sane (in no particular order) are: acupuncture, essential oils, yoga, talking to a therapist, and long walks with my dog. Oh, and the occasional binge purchase on iTunes of music I’d be embarrassed to listen to if I was still a judgmental music snob in my 20’s.

The Vault: Javelin Knee Pop

19 Aug

Many, many moons ago, I was a high school athlete. My sports of choice were basketball, softball, and eventually track & field. Because I played softball most of my life, throwing a javelin came naturally. I enjoyed the solitude of the sport. It was just me, an open field, and a long metal object that could basically spear someone. I did some really good thinking out in the fields throwing javelin. I would spend hours practicing. I liked throwing javelin more than throwing discus (too much spinning) or shotput (not strong enough to wield that heavy ball). Javelin was fun.

One fateful day, a frienemy of mine tripped me in study hall. My left knee felt not so hot after that, but I went to track practice after school. I donned my javelin cleats, which looked like long nail beds. I ran, I did my crossover, I planted …. then ….OOOSH, SNAP, POP, I fell to the ground. OWWWW. My kneecap popped out of place. The pain was excruciating. I made a visit to the ER that night and the next day at school, I showed up on crutches and in an immobilizer from my thigh to my ankle. It was all I knew for several months. When I walked into chemistry class that day, my frienemy just laughed. Asshole.

Little did I know when I was 16, that crappy injury would plague me the rest of my life. Even though I’ve been through numerous bouts of physical therapy, my knees are just at a point where they hold me back. My right knee was injured the following year during a bad triple jump takeoff. Oops. I’m not very graceful.

These days, I walk around with Rice Krispie knees. They snap, they crackle, and they pop. I’m really frustrated by this catch-22. I want to work out because I’m fat. I’m fat because my knees suck. My knees continue to suck because I haven’t lost weight. I haven’t lost weight because when I start to really try, my knees give. And the vicious cycle goes on and on.

My chiropractor taped me up with some kinesio tape today and told me to steer clear of the treadmill for a bit to let my knee calm down. Apparently, the repetitive motion of the treadmill isn’t so great for my bum knee. Oops. Now I’m wondering, okay, what should I do to work out? I can’t do elliptical machines because they kill my back (a whole other issue). Biking is kind of the same repetitive motion type of thing. I guess I’ll have to try yoga or pilates.  Or else I’ll be lifting with my arms a lot. All in all, a frustrating development in my quest from fat to fit.

I have a physical with my family practitioner on Thursday.  If I’m being honest, it’s probably my first real physical in over a decade. I’ll probably be wholly depressed afterward, but I guess everyone needs a baseline to start from, right? Plus, I really think something is up with my thyroid. I’ve been eating better and working out and I just seem to be losing and gaining the same 1 pound. Wholly disappointing. More frustration. But hey, it’ll be a relief to know what is or isn’t going on with my body.

Living Vicariously Through Coffee Creamer

14 Aug

When you’re trying to be healthier, you have to give things up you enjoy. You realize there’s a reason you got to this place and a lot of the junk you stuff into your piehole is what you really shouldn’t be eating anyhow. Stuff like pints of Ben and Jerry’s, Little Debbie cakes, or grilled cheese sandwiches.

When dieting, there is one thing I refuse to give up. It’s non-negotiable. It’s not even a food really. It’s coffee creamer.

To me, coffee creamer is like the last small pleasure I’ll allow myself in my morning brew. It takes me places I’m not allowed to go with way less calories. Yes, the stuff’s full of chemicals. Yes, I know this. I actually prefer the Natural Bliss varieties, which aren’t that bad, but I digress.

Coffee creamer lets me have Girl Scout Cookies. It lets me have ice cream. It enables all sorts adventures in tastiness in my mouth. This is why I won’t abandon my dear coffee creamer. And when I’m out of coffee creamer, I’m one cranky bitch.

So, world, what is your favorite variety of coffee creamer?

Stella Nash

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