What They Don’t Tell You About Pregnancy

15 Dec

I’ve discovered that there are many things people don’t tell you about pregnancy and you get to experience them all firsthand when you become pregnant with your first child.

  1. You’re going to pee your pants. Sneezing, coughing, laughing — they’re all gonna make you pee your pants. And hey, you might be on a video conference call with your boss when it happens and  you get to sit there in your pee and pretend everything is totally normal. AMAZING. When you finally admit this to others, your mom friends tell you it never gets better and despite doing all the kegels in the world, you’re still going to spend the rest of your life peeing your pants after you have this kid. 46315855
  2. You might feel like someone kneed you in your crotch. Constantly. Your bones and your muscles all stretch and expand to get you ready to deliver your little one. What they don’t tell you is that you might be one of the “lucky” ladies out there to experience SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction). SPD feels like someone kicked you in the crotch … pretty much every time you move your pubic bones hurt. You can buy lovely bands to help with this. They essentially look like a female jock strap. HOT!59335746
  3. You’re not going to want sexy underwear anymore. It becomes all about function. I’ve found myself supremely irritated with maternity stores and their lack of functional panties. What they sell in said stores are basically the same as normal underwear, just larger, and I’m sorry, you have special needs when you’re growing a basketball in your stomach. All I want are giant granny panties and I’m not afraid to admit it. But finding said granny panties is a pain in the ass! I’ve yet to find a store with anything useful. I resorted to buying them from the Chinese and Japanese on Amazon. They know what’s up. And what’s up are giant panties that fit comfortably over your baby bump, not those “sexy” ones that just roll under your belly. GRANNY PANTIES ARE LIFE. Who cares if your husband laughs at you?BigUnderwear1
  4. Even before the baby gets here, sleep is a thing of the past. Get used to not sleeping … even if the baby isn’t here yet. You’re going to be uncomfortable. Your hips are gonna hurt and you’re going to have to change position in bed every couple hours. You’re also going to be up peeing every couple hours … or you will need to pee the very instant you just got comfortable. The struggle is very real, folks. the_struggle_by_the_ice_canine-d8qbgia
  5. You’re going to become unreasonable and intolerant. Were you previously laid back? Well, get ready for outbursts. Your tolerance level for bullshit is going to be at an all-time low. imgres.jpg

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Stella Nash

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