What They Don’t Tell You About Pregnancy

I’ve discovered that there are many things people don’t tell you about pregnancy and you get to experience them all firsthand when you become pregnant with your first child.

1. You’re going to pee your pants. Sneezing, coughing, laughing — they’re all gonna make you pee your pants. And hey, you might be on a video conference call with your boss when it happens and  you get to sit there in your pee and pretend everything is totally normal. AMAZING. When you finally admit this to others, your mom friends tell you it never gets better and despite doing all the kegels in the world, you’re still going to spend the rest of your life peeing your pants after you have this kid. 
2. You might feel like someone kneed you in your crotch. Constantly. Your bones and your muscles all stretch and expand to get you ready to deliver your little one. What they don’t tell you is that you might be one of the “lucky” ladies out there to experience SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction). SPD feels like someone kicked you in the crotch … pretty much every time you move your pubic bones hurt. You can buy lovely bands to help with this. They essentially look like a female jock strap. HOT!
3. You’re not going to want sexy underwear anymore. It becomes all about function. I’ve found myself supremely irritated with maternity stores and their lack of functional panties. What they sell in said stores are basically the same as normal underwear, just larger, and I’m sorry, you have special needs when you’re growing a basketball in your stomach. All I want are giant granny panties and I’m not afraid to admit it. But finding said granny panties is a pain in the ass! I’ve yet to find a store with anything useful. I resorted to buying them from the Chinese and Japanese on Amazon. They know what’s up. And what’s up are giant panties that fit comfortably over your baby bump, not those “sexy” ones that just roll under your belly. GRANNY PANTIES ARE LIFE. Who cares if your husband laughs at you?
4. Even before the baby gets here, sleep is a thing of the past. Get used to not sleeping … even if the baby isn’t here yet. You’re going to be uncomfortable. Your hips are gonna hurt and you’re going to have to change position in bed every couple hours. You’re also going to be up peeing every couple hours … or you will need to pee the very instant you just got comfortable. The struggle is very real, folks. 
5. You’re going to become unreasonable and intolerant. Were you previously laid back? Well, get ready for outbursts. Your tolerance level for bullshit is going to be at an all-time low. 

Time is Flying

Man, I’ve really been slacking with this journal. A whole lot of things have transpired since I last wrote. I’m 24 weeks this week with the baby I thought we’d never get to have. I still find myself in disbelief that I’m actually pregnant. Infertility and the barrage of bad news surrounding TTC are just so jarring, it’s something that sticks with you. It’s something you get used to. It changes you. Even now, I find myself not wanting to get too excited for fear something will go wrong. Of course, I might be conditioned to this cautious kind of thinking since so many other things in life have been going wrong. More on that later.

At about 20 weeks, we found out we’re having a little boy. My husband is super stoked to welcome a mini me in March. He’s been decorating the nursery in all Star Wars. The little guy was not very cooperative during the anatomy scan last month, so it took nearly 20 minutes of poking and prodding before he uncrossed his legs and stopped face palming himself long enough that the ultrasound technician could tell us he was a he. My doctor couldn’t get a good view of his heart during that scan, so I have to have another one done later this month when he’s bigger to make sure all is okay with his heart. I’m trying not to freak out about that since I was told not to, but I made the mistake of Googling what could be wrong and it was terrifying. Oops. Google is bad.

My mom is out of the hospital after spending 24 days there. She was in the ICU part of the time. It was horrible. There was a week when I wasn’t allowed to see her because of being pregnant and her fluids and drugs being dangerous to me and the baby. That was so hard. I can’t tell you how many days I just cried my eyes out. I sat in therapy one day and just sobbed. It was a constant struggle not to become a victim of my own bad thoughts. When I could go see her, she looked so bad and was so weak. Her counts were so low. Dangerously low. I really feared it was the end and I was just so, so incredibly scared. Luckily, once they realized she also needed matched donor platelets instead of the ‘mixed bag’ they normally give people, things started improving quickly. After a few days on those, she improved so much that they released her, but with a lot of rules like not going anywhere and limiting her visitors. Her last bone marrow test showed she’s in remission, so that’s great news. She’s home now and getting stronger every day. We were very thankful we could have her and my dad and my brother and sister-in-law over to celebrate Thanksgiving.

So, it seemed like everything was starting to be semi-okay … and then my husband found out that his mother has inoperable stage 4 lung cancer. What?! Yeah, another shitty blow. I think he’s more upset about it than he lets on, but he definitely doesn’t want to talk about it. Men are so weird about emotions. His mom had a stroke about 6 years ago and lives in a nursing home back east, so he’s going to fly out there in early January to spend some time with her and his sisters. I don’t think I’ll be able to go since I’ll be in the 3rd trimester at that point and don’t want to risk any possible pre-term labor that could happen from flying and that makes me sad. Her doctor said she could have weeks or months or even a couple years. There really is no telling.

My birthday was a couple weeks ago. We didn’t get to do much because my hubby was super sick that week. He still managed to sneak out and buy me flowers and a cake. Sneaky. Once he was feeling better, he took me out to pick out a new purse at Kate Spade. What a guy! ❤

I had my glucose tolerance test today. I won’t know the results for a couple days. I hate waiting! I’m so worried I’m going to fail. I’ve had so many friends tell me they failed the 1-hour and had to go back and do the 4-hour one. Yuck!

I’ve been feeling the little guy kick and move around a lot more. He really likes to wake me up around 3 or 4 in the morning with some ninja kicks. A friend of mine sent me this hilarious cartoon about “womb service.” I laughed.

People keep asking us if we’re registered anywhere. I feel like such a slacker on that front. I’ll start looking at stuff, but then there’s just SO MUCH STUFF. It very quickly gets overwhelming. I need to consult my friends who are moms and ask what is really necessary and what is a waste of money. I found this kickass stroller that I totally want, but my husband isn’t a fan. He doesn’t love rainbows like I do, I guess. I think it’s the most amazingly colorful and fun stroller I’ve ever seen. Shouldn’t every day in a stroller be a baby walking rainbow party? Who’s with me?