WTF, Life?

13 Oct

We’ve been out of town for a few days. When we got back, we decided to go do some furniture shopping for the new house. Then we went to a late dinner. Once we  sat down, my dad called and said that he and my mom would need to drop our dog off tomorrow (they’ve been watching our pets while we get moving underway). Then he said it’s because my mom is going to the hospital for some treatments for leukemia.

WHAT?!

I lost it in the middle of the restaurant and was a sobbing mess. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t talk. My brother texted me and said he felt like he was 10 again. I felt like I was 13 and all the fears of my mom dying came flooding back, just like when she was first diagnosed with breast cancer in 1992.

We left the restaurant and drove an hour to my parents’ house. It was late, but I needed to hug my mom and snuggle my dog. And get the whole story.

We don’t really know much. Mom and dad came home to a voicemail from mom’s doctor last night. They figured the doctor was gone for the night, but she ended up calling back around 8 p.m.  That’s when they found out she’s getting admitted to one of the hospitals today and will be staying for a whole month of treatments. It’s aggressive and your immune system gets weakened, so they keep you in the hospital. After that, she had six more months of outpatient chemo.

Leukemia terrifies me. I am shocked. I am scared. I am not in control of my emotions (pregnancy really knows how to make you sob). This is my mom. You never stop needing your mom. I will always need my mom.

When they found cancer cells in her hip a couple years ago, we were scared. It seemed like the treatments the last couple years were going well. She wasn’t having to go as much. As it turns out, her white cells have been off the last couple treatments. Now I know you should never get too comfortable or trusting in life. You really never know when the rug is going to be ripped out from under you. Cancer has a way of haunting you.

Prayers and good juju are much appreciated. Especially for my mom.

2 Responses to “WTF, Life?”

  1. Amb December 8, 2015 at 8:21 PM #

    I am so, so sorry to hear about your mom. I will be keeping you all in my thoughts. πŸ’œ

    • centerofmystomach December 8, 2015 at 8:31 PM #

      Thanks, it was a scary time, but she’s been doing so much better these last few weeks.

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